The

Mentos

Journal

Volume 1, Issue 2
July 15, 1996
© 1996, The Gathering

The Mentos Journal is maintained by the Core Six Pack of "The Gathering":

Jeff (uhjeff@mentosfaq.com), Kevin (Kibble@Mentosfaq.com),
Sean (Radagast@Mentos.com), Dave (Burgundy@Mentos.com)
Brian (Macleod@Mentos.com), and Stacey (off-net for now).

and can be found on Chad's web site at www.mentosfaq.com

Well, folks, once again we're back with the grape-flavored Issue #2 of The Mentos Journal! Lots of interesting things to ponder over while drinking your Mentos-flavored coffee, so sit back, pop out a roll, and read on!!!!!!

In this issue of the Mentos Journal, learn the dangers of displaying your fresh goods, how the Third World is affected by non-freshness, and find the hidden meaning with Mom!

Plus: Boba Fresh ?!?! and a Conspiracy?! Read on!

As always, keep sending in those letters, and keep fresh!



Evading Mom: A Journey of Self Discovery

- a dissertation by Tim Werenko
eidolon@chelsea.ios.com

Allow an analytical approach to the genius of the "Evading Mom" episode of the Mentos Saga.

This is the search for a boy's manhood. When entering the mall the young man is with his mother. It is a bond difficult to break and often painful, but in the course of this little commercial we will see this transformation take place.

Notice that when the Mother is wit our hero, she holds her umbrella, an obvious phallic symbol, in the upright position. She is in control and she has the power in this relationship. However, our hero hears the call of his colleagues and is torn between the comfort of the womb and the freedom (the mall) of his life away from his mother. He litterally becomes paralized with terror at the prospect of entering this new life.

As the mother passes by, she is walking out of his life. His smile breaks his paralysis. No longer is he shackled by the oppressive horror of slavery to a parent. A parent must let go, but when this mother has held on too long she must suffer retribution.

Symbolically she descends the escelator. An obvious representation of Hell. She looks up to recognize her failure in the face of the child she has tormented and stripped of power. In her rage, she shakes her umbrella, once a phallic symbol of power, now inverted in a pathetic display of impotence as the escelator carries her downward. The final blow is struck when our hero assumes his own control of power and displays his own phallic symbol - a pack of the ever potent Mentos.

This is obviously the intended parable of profound self discovery intended.

Thank you for your time.

Opposing views (albeit wrong) are welcome.


The Freshmaker and the Fett

a too-neat-to-be-made-up story by Dave Bock (aka MaintainerDave)
2/9/96

It didn't start out to be the freshest day of my life but that was all to change.

I awoke to the downstairs answering machine around 12:00 P.M. It was a little later than I was planning on waking up but I had plenty of time anyway. I needed to trek up to the Roosevelt Mall to do some shopping for my mom and for my year anniversary with my wonderful girlfriend, Tracie. :)

So, I was walking through the mall on the way to Phar-Mor when I was about to walk past the Kay-Bee toy store. "Hmmm", I thought to myself, "Maybe they have Star Wars figures and the much sought after Boba Fett figure that I want so." Much to my chagrin, it wasn't in there. I looked in Toys R Us, Clover and anywhere else I could. I was feeling a little bummed.

My shopping was basically all done when I was walking back through the mall. I reached, yet again, the Kay-Bee store. As we all know, the peripheria of the eye picks up light, motion and much to my surprize, Boba Fett figures as well. I stopped dead in my stride. My head was almost ripped away from my shoulders as my eyes spun around to examine what I thought was a mirage. BUT LO! It wasn't a figment of my id's desires. Two, large, collage lacross jacket wearing neanderthaws had handfulls of Star Wars figures. (Obviously a shippment was just shelved or just came in.) From my quick scan I observed 4 Boba Figures in his possesion. Three of which should have been relinquished to me on sight! But, alas, they weren't. I popped a Mento. The freshness and adrenaline rush was something I've NEVER felt before. I thought about my options. My first thought was, "Hit him. Hit him hard. Hit him with the Sega Saturn I'm pretending to look at until he falls, bleeds, and lets go of the elusive Fett figures.

Then I heard the words I wanted to hear. "I can't afford them all right now. I need to tap Mac. I'm going to hide these 3 and come back in 15 minutes ." Needless to say, I was happy.

Using the techniques I learned from playing with Spy-Tech, I pulled my trench around me and stalked my prey with the precision of a cheeta. I looked at X-men figures as I watched my unsuspecting victim randomly hide Fett figures behind various unpopular toys. My senses where obviously hightened by the burst of freshness I ate, but I still popped another for backup. My victim stood up and made his way to the front of the store with his purchases and when he was out of eye shot... I ransacked the aisle of MY three Bobas. He and his friend walked out of the store. I thought I was home free. I darted to the front... cleverly using my trench to hide the prize. But even in the state of freshness... I couldn't handle what happened next. Another friend ran into them right outside the store. He ogled their Fetts. He needed to posses them as well. I saw the lust in his eyes. I was going to be busted. He burst into the doors... his friend follow saying, "Wait! I have to show you where they are!" I made my way to the cashier sideways covering what was rightfully mine! They didn't notice. I placed my precious Fetts on the counter and was about to yell, "HURRY!!! THEY'LL KILL ME!!!" at the cashier but I figured she just wouldn't understand. I paid the tab. The guys where puzzled as they looked through the racks. I clutched my bag with all my Mentos enhanced might and darted out the door and down the sidewalk, never looking back.

This was a true story.


Coming To A Fresh-mart Near You!

An in-home product demonstration by Fran Pelzman-Liscio
- address pending -

A mentos pencil holder is sure to provoke fresh thought processes -- -what a good idea. I suspect they'd do well to introduce a whole line of cross-form mentos line-extensions: Taking the idea of Mentos, the freshmaer, as our starting point, we can discover ways to branch out into new products, products which are in some way related to freshness.

...and on, and on. I just don't think those marketing guys over at Mentos are doing their homework. They could be sitting on a goldmine, but apparently they don't even know it.

And wouldn't it be fun to adapt some of those Mentos commercials to line-extensions. For example, the woman in the car-carrying commercial--at the end, she's just as triumphant, but now she's holding up a bar of Mentos deodorant soap.

actually occurred to me to buy some and taste them. Why, I must! And I shall. I'll probably like cherry or orange the best. I'll keep you posted.


Mentos Cleanup...Aisle 6!

an informational seminar by Lee Anderson
lander@hargray.com

I operate a Bi-Lo Supermarktet. The displays are stand-up shippers that contain 6 levels of Mentos. The problem is that the Mentos are too heavy for the displays. As a result the displays are constantly falling down - customers slip on the Mentos and accuse us of neglingence (Just Kidding)! The good thing os that Mentos sell like crazy so we don't have to keep them very long! 


We Couldn't Think of a Title!!!

Steve Bateman
Code501@aol.com

I really enjoyed your site. I laughed at the recaps of the commercials that have really been bothering me for several years. I equate them to seeing an auto accident-you know that you shouldn't, but you just have to look anyway.

Here in Arkansas, we enjoy Pork Mentos. Maybe they are just a regional delicacy, but I swear you can taste the barbecue sauce with each bite. It is also a little-known fact that when Bill Clinton was Governor he would hand out rolls of Mentos on Halloween and would often consume a roll himself after two or three Big Macs.


Letters, we get letters

(sung with a nod to the Late Show)


-- This is the reply to a letter sent to Maintainer Jeff via e-mail by...um.... some guy

Date: Thu, 14 Dec 95 14:13:49 EST
From: "U.H. Jeff"
Organization: TEMPLE UNIVERSITY
Subject: Re: Mentos SUCK
To: UH8freshness


On Thu, 14 Dec 1995 14:06:06 -0500 you spewed:
>Greetings subhumans!
>I think you should know that I have made it my mission in life to rid the
>planet of the scourge which you call mentos.


> Mentos are directly responsible
>for the civil war in the former yugoslavia, the budget crisis, and the
>mounting racial tensions.


Jeff says:
How these ugly rumors got started, I'll never know. The suggestion
the Mentos can cause wars in Yugoslavia is false. According to our
research, Yugoslavia is Mento-less. The only war that this caused was not
in the press. 95% of Yugoslavia joined in a vain attempt to have Van
Melle distribute Mentos there, but to no avail. That was years ago, however,
and all fighting regarding Mentos has ceased.

As for the budget crisis, this is also Unfresh. While in many backwards
countries, Mentos are used as currency (honest), these lands are economically
cut off from the rest of the world. (Oddly enough, this was one of the
Yugoslavian's main cause of issues...that these countries that are so small
they aren't even on MAPS can be Fresh and Full of Life, yet this almost
technological country can.) The Mentosland Expedition is being planned
as we speak. Several experts from Temple University's anthropology
department are going to study there for 3 years beginning next Spring.
We will be posting reports from them from time to time.

And, as for the ugly falsehood that Mentos cause racial tension...well,
that is indeed a new one. How could Mentos possibly encourage, or
provoke racial tension? The answer, as you well know it is, THEY CAN'T.
While some Mentos do live separately, you can always see boxes of Spearmint,
Strawberry, Cinnamon, and Mint sitting next to each other IN PEACE at the
store counter.

And, as if that wasn't enough, you can even see Grape, Lemon, and Orange
living side by side in the same PACKAGE in the Mixed fruit variety.
Same deal with Isreali Mentos: Tropical fruit with no less than 3 and
no more than 5 different flavors in each package.

>enjoy your mentos while you can, because soon they will be no more! HA HA HA
>HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

I think you need to open a pack of The Freshmakers and cheer up. Get
a positive outlook on life, and cross the street by climbing through
someone's car. Or, better yet, just run from some old lady in a mall.

YIF (Yours In Freshness)

---Jeff


Quotes!


Lee Anderson (see above):
I am a store manager, the displays your company provides suck.

David Beyer (dbeyer@origin.ea.com):
Mentos is a powerful drug that can turn a living Hell into a carnival of Freshness. You've got my vote for the Nobel Prize.

Anne Ustach (ustach@sinewave.com):
Freshness is a state of being; Mentos is a way of life.


The Unfreshest Day

a childhood memory by Richard Chan
eligiu@slip.net

Wow I was reading your mentos messages and it brought me back to the days when I was a wee little boy spending the long, hot summers at my grandparent's house along with my sister and my cousins.

My cousin Nathan and I would often take long trips to the village store aptly named the "Superette". We would always take time to marvel at the store's name before entering the gand shoppe. Nathan, my cousin would always order a bottle of the finest gatorade they had in the store. We had a saying about this lively drink, that it was in fact the thirst quencher.

But I am straying too far from my story, let me continue. My cousin would sit at a table in this fine establishment, as I would search for a tasty beverage by the racks, and racks of glorious candy. Normally, I would grab a bottle of Dr. Pepper, which I drank, because my mum told me that the prune juice content would definitely help my brathing difficulties. While turning I pilfered a roll of strawberry mentos, I would do this daily.

Until one day, we took a stroll down the road to the "Superette" and lo and behold there were no strawberry mentos to be seen. I became disgruntled, and asked the shopkeep as to his knowledge of this dastardly deed. I believe the man was a little hard of hearing and perhaps a bit shaken up because he could answer my request with nothing more than a point and and repeated shouts of "Ayi" "Ayi". I turned my head and to my astonishment I saw tube after tube of fresh, fresh mentos. I purchased the candy and quickly popped the juicy brown disc into my mouth. As quickly as it went in it came back out, for to my dismay this candy was not leaving me in a state of freshness, it in fact made me feel so untouched by the freshmaker I threw them out not acknowledging their presence in the freshness cycle.

That was my unfreshest day.


The Riesen Conspiracy

a freshness-induced rant by Sean Quinn (aka Maintainer Sean)

As of late, it has greatly troubled me to find the newest batch of Chocolate Riesen candy commercials on my television. Whereas in the past, Mentos held the top spot of cheesy commercials on the television super-signal, now this heinous imposter pops up. However, followers of freshness need not be afraid.

It began a few years ago when the Mentos commercials/escapades appeared across living rooms, toting the banner of freshness. The bad quality picture paired with the non-matching voice-overs seemed to mock our situation-saving heroes.

Now, Riesen commercials are virturally an exact duplicate of the time-tested fresh advertisements. The new pseudo-fresh souls discover their awful predicament, and attempt to rectify it with a handy Riesen candy. Such was the case of the gentleman who couldn't tie his bow tie. On the counter -IN THE BATHROOM - were a few Riesen's on a napkin. He ate one, and voila! his wife instantly appeared to fix his tie. How gracious.

Now, it is obvious how they have gone wrong, and why Freshness will prevail.
1) No one in their right mind would keep chocolates in the bathroom. They look like something you want to leave behind... and I'm NOT talking something fresh here!

2) Someone who is full of life does not lay out their confectionary savior in anticipation of unfortunate circumstance, like the "tie man". Rather, they know that life will go on as it will, and the candy will help them, not determine their fate. In essence, a true Mento-phile knows that they themselves are fresh and that the candy emphasizes that.

3) If one does carry around chocolate candy in order to be fresh (Calm down, this IS theoretical), it would melt in your pocket!
Oh yes, the Riesen chocolate devils may try to be full of life, but they only succeed in show how unfresh they themselves are by trying to steal the essence of Mentos. So fear not, brave souls: the world is destined to remain loyal to the core idea of "fresh and full of life".


Stay Fresh and Full of life!
© 1996, The Gathering
The Mentos Page